【2010/2/10上梓】若かりし頃の柿本実稚氏の苦心の英文小説が恩師烏有先生によって入れられた朱で真っ赤になった様子をご覧下さい。
A RIPRNESS OF PERSIMMON
RIPENESS OF A PERSIMMON
このtitleが本文の中に生きていない
○ 時間の推移不明
○ 君の文では女の位置もはっきりしない
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- "Autumn will soon be over ---", murmured Midori, looking vaguely out of the window of a sickroom. At a distance, redden leaves were whirling up leaving their branches, which showed it was rather strongly blowing. In the blue sky, several groups of white cloud, like cotton wool torn off, were running restlessly. The white arched moon was floating deadly.
"Autumn will soon be over ---", murmured Midori in bed, looking vaguely through the window of a sickroom. At a distance, red fallen leaves were whirling up (and down) in the wind rather strongly blowing, in the gathering dusk. (In the dark blue sky). Two or three white clouds, like pieces of wool torn off, were sailing restlessly. There was a horned moon hunging cold and unsteady.
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It was the ending of April that the fresh leaves of trees, instead of the brief beauty of cherry blossom, set people's mind at rest, and told them of the real beginning of living, when Midori entered the hospital.
It was towards end of April when the fresh green leaves of trees, instead of the transient beauty of cherry blossoms, set people's minds at rest, and told them of the real beginning of their living, that Midori was taken to hospital.
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The reason was that traffic accident happened to her, and her left leg was fractured. ( Don't you think that it never rains but it pours? ) Soon after that, she took appendicitis, and, the more worse, a part of surgical knived began to suppurate. That was the reason why she had been in this room for such a long time.
A traffic accident had happened to her, and her left leg miserably fractured. 若し此の一文を入れるとしたら( (a case where) it never rains but it pours? ) Soon afterwards, she contracted appendicitis, and, what was worse, the part operated on began to suppurate, costing her such long confinement in this room.
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"Even if I can leave here in two or three weeks----" Midori tried to think of nothing as possible as she could, but only touched by her lost time she began to grow irritable. She was a schoolgirl in the third year of junior high school. Very few classmates had visited her since the second term began. Especially, the very her close friend, Akiko, had never appeared before her for these a month. That made her more lonely.
"Even if I can leave here in two or three weeks----"〔これ以下は now her lost time weighed heavily on her, and … の様に――〕 but she tried not to think of it as much as she could; only she began to grow irritable when it haunted her. She was in the third year of a junior high school. Very few classmates visited her since the second term had begun, nor did so much as her very close friend, Akiko, for these thirty days. It made her feel lonelier.
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Midori was gay in nature, liked by and known to everybody as a little wilful, a little mischievous, a little meddlesome and very lovely girl. Who could dare to say that her accident never concerned her personality? When she came to the hospital, she was grateful to that accident inwardly because of the liberty of learning.
Midori was gay by nature, and there was nobody who knew her but liked her as a girl a little wilful, a little mischievous, and a little meddlesome, but very lovely. 〔ここの所大分飛躍がある →〕Who could dare to say that her accident had no concern with her personality? When she came to the hospital, she was grateful for that accident inwardly because of the liberty of learning.〔←？〕
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Midori loved May very much. It was the happiest for her to walk wanderingly with her beloved dog hearing skylarks singing merrily in the blue sky and enjoying the view of the fresh green of trees in the distance as if it were undulating calmly on the surface of spring sea.
Midori loved (the month of) May very much. It was happiest for her to wander with her beloved dog, listening to skylarks singing merrily in the blue sky and enjoying a view of fresh green trees in the distance 〔as if 以下のadverbial clause のかかり具合曖昧也〕as if undulating calmly on the surface of spring sea.〔蛇足也――か むしろ性格の中へ、つまり lovely の次に入れてその前の文を発展させるよすがとするとよい。そして learning で文を結ぶとよい。このままでは木に竹をついだようで支離滅裂也 尚 liberty of learning の必然性乏しい。舌足らずの感つよし。〕
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Therefore, she was deeply shocked at the sight of the young thin leaves of persimmon near her room which were being infested with small worms. How pitiful they were! She hated the dark brown hairy creatures.
〔→以下は上の文とはつづき難し。考え直すべし。木に竹をついだようだ。若しつづけるなら行をあらため、その工夫を要す。〕Therefore, she was deeply shocked at the sight of the young thin leaves of a? persimmon-tree near her room. They were pitifully infested with small worms. How she hated the dark brown hairy creatures !
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For about a week after that continued the strife between Midori and the hairy caterpillars. A To begin with, her bed was moved nearer to the window. B She began to let them clinging to the leaves and branches fall with a long stick.
For about a week following, did a strife continue between Midori and the hairy caterpillars. 〔A文とB文のつながり不明、内容的に――。前節の設定が曖昧だったので、このA、Bの関係が不明となる。〕 To begin with, 〔ここのところにSheをSub.にしたい。もし(B)とのかかわりがつけば…〕 her bed was〔イキ〕 moved nearer to the window. She began to〔イキ〕 let them cling to the leaves and the branches fall with a long stick.
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On getting up in the morning, she opened the curtain. Some leaves had been changed into miserable forms. What horrible things ! Her heart was injured. But she never gave up.
On getting up next morning, she drew the curtain back, to find some leaves changed into miserable form. It injured her heart horribly. But she never gave it up.
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She dared to fight more intently as if she were a brave knight. When she, however, had to retreat from before the enemy owing to her unexpected surgical operation, she could not help bringing tears to her eyes.
She dared to fight as intently as if she were a brave knight.〔もう少しよいいい方がないか〕 When she had to retreat from the enemy owing to her unexpected surgical operation, she could not help bringing tears to her eyes.〔この表現ではSheが主語ではおかしい。〕
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When she returned to the battlefield, she found that, regrettable to say, the young leaves had been changed into more wretched forms, and that the hairy creatures had grown up twice as large as before, sending something thrilling of horror. Oh, nature is without a drop of mercy ! She gazed at the things with the rage of the keen sparkle. But ---, but they were clinging motionless, some to the branches, some to the leaves and others to the hollow parts of the trunk.
When she returned to the "battlefield", she found with regretfulness that the young leaves had (been) changed into more wretched form, and that the hairy creatures had grown up twice as large as before, sending something thrilling her with horror. Oh, nature (was) without a bit of mercy ! She gazed at the things with the rage and vexing tears. But they were still clinging motionless, some to the branches, some to the leaves, or to the hollow parts of the trunk.
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After that Midori tried to see the persimmon as few times as possible. She began to feel, just since then, that something in her was declining little by little. ―― If I --- like those leaves, if I were being infested with something, I fear I will be changed into a bad shape ---, ―― The longer her life in the hospital continued, the deeper she was possessed by such a dark idea.
After that,〔イキ〕 Midori tried to see the tree at as few times as possible. She began to feel that something defying in her was declining little by little. ―― "If I were as infested with something, I fear I should share the fate with the tree."――; the longer she stayed in hospital,〔her lifeこのままでもよい continueをさけたかっただけ〕 the more she was possessed by such a dark idea.
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The rainy season had passed, summer had gone and when autumn came, Midori had become a girl of few words.
Midori turned her eyes upon the tree. She found that it had much fewer leaves than several weeks before, and that it had only one persimmon, supposing that many a persimmon had fallen naturally or had been pulled off by someone. It was ripe and shivering in the first withering blast. She looked at it with a hateful stare. But suddenly sorrow came to her and tears stood in her eyes.
The rainy season had passed, summer had gone, and when autumn came, Midori was a girl of few words.
One day, Midori turned her eyes upon the tree. It had much fewer leaves than several weeks before, with only one persimmon hunging. Had other persimmons fallen for themselves or had anyone pulled them off. It was ripe, shivering in the first withering blast. She stared at it with hate and sorrow. Tears stood in her eyes.
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The next morning, her nurse came in and opened the curtain. The bright morning sunlight dashed into the room and drove away the gloomy air. But the thin ice frozen up in her never showed a touch of melting. Disliking her sudden fate, she continued only to look at the white curtain which was still shaking.
The next morning, her nurse came in and drew〔カーテンを開ける――openを使わない。例：息をころす kill one's breath とはいわないように〕 the curtain back. The bright morning sunlight dashed into the room and drove away the gloomy atmosphere. But her frozen heart never showed a touch of melting. Disliking her sudden fate〔？手術のことか―拙い〕, she continued 〔continueとbeginを使いすぎる。〕 only to look at the white curtain which was still shaking.
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Once she opened the curtain vigorously to have her room refreshed as soon as she woke up, and talked to the chattering birds jerky from sprig to sprig in the distance.
She, however, had already lost such a memory. She looked up at the tree and found that there had been no persimmons on it. With which fact could she have something to do?
"Idle away my time, or ---," murmured she, for a wonder shedding no tears.
Once she had drawn the curtain apart vigorously to let fresh air into her room as soon as she woke up, and talked to the chattering birds jerking from sprig to sprig in the distance. She now already lost such a memory. She looked up at the tree to find there being not a persimmon on it. With which fact could she have anything to do?〔?〕
"Idle away my time, or ---,"〔?〕 murmured she, for a wonder shedding no tears.
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The day evenibg, a packet addressed to Midori was sent by a certain girl. In it there were a letter and a ripe persimmon wrapped up in soft paper which seemed to be sweet. At once she opened the letter. This is how it ran;
? The day evenibg,〔これは一体何もの？〕 a packet addressed to Midori came from a certain girl. It contained a letter and a ripe persimmon wrapped up in soft paper. The packet undone, it looked really sweet. At once she opened the letter.〔イキ〕 This was how it ran:
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Dear Midori, --- I am sorry to have not called on you for about a month. Don't think that I have forgotten our friendship, for I have been thinking of your saying since last call. You said that life is not dream but vanity and has no meaning, after all all is mortal in nature like those young leaves. I can not agree with you! Your view of life is not realistic. Of course you are right in saying that all is mortal in nature, but you never think of the process of life at all.
Dear Midori, --- I am sorry to have not called on you for about a month. Don't think that I have forgotten our friendship, for I have been thinking of your saying since my last call. You say that life is a dream or vanity and has no meaning; that, after all, (A) all is mortal, in nature, like those young leaves. I can not agree with you! Your view of life is not realistic〔これを生かすにはnot a dreamはおかしい。〕. Of course you are right in saying that all is mortal in nature〔どういう意味でかいたか ｢事実上｣というときは(A)のようにカンマで包む〕, but you never think of the process of life at all.
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I like the young thin leaves as much as you of course, and the more aged thick leaves reflecting the blue black light in the sun though their forms are imperfect. I don't think that nature is without a drop of mercy. Because nature gives the young leaves light and water etc--, makes them grow up and they help persimmons to ripe.
I like the young thin leaves as much as you, of course, and the more aged thick leaves reflecting the blue black light in the sun though their forms are imperfect.〔?〕 I don't think that nature has no bit of mercy, and because she gives the young leaves light, water etc.,--and makes them grow up and because these help persimmons to ripen.〔？（この文脈は支離滅裂也）？〕
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I think that all things in nature have various inevitable processes, for example, in one of them young leaves are being infested with some creatures. Can't you think that there is an inevitable process for us to grow up in this world? I believe that the blue black light appeals to our lives.
To tell you the truth, I pulled the persimmon off the tree near your sickroom this night. Of course, I had asked for permission. I climbed up the tree for the first time. Then, I was in much fear.
Your friend, Akiko.
P.S.
I am now in noon-recess. Soon our class work will begin. Never come back to our school but you look as cheerful as before! I hope by our ever-lasting friendship.
I think that all things in nature〔ここのnatureは自然の意味に使ってきたのだろう。すると in nature は不可〕 have various inevitable processes, for example〔commaの使用法拙い。〕, in one of them〔？〕 young leaves are infested with some creatures. Can't you think that there is an inevitable process for us to grow up in this world? I believe that the blue black light〔？〕 appeals to our lives.
To tell you the truth, I plucked off the persimmon this night〔こんな誤りをしていては情けない〕. Of course, I had asked for permission. When I climbed up the tree for the first time, I was in much fear, indeed.
Your friend, Akiko.
P.S.
I am now in noon-recess. Soon our class work will begin. Never come back to school but you look as cheerful as before! I hope by〔？ X〕 our ever-lasting friendship.
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Midori raised her eyes and looked through the window. (A)She felt something hot streaming down on her cheeks. The sky was clear. (B)The reddening leaves were whirling up.
Midori raised her eyes and looked through the window. 〔文の順序が不自然也 (A)文を(B)文の後へ〕 The sky was clear. The reddening leaves were whirling up. She felt something hot streaming down her cheeks.
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"Autumn is dying, winter is coming." The very moment she said to herself so, some poem words came into her mind. They were very familiar to her, though she could not remember exactly when and where and from whom she had learned them.
--- If winter comes, can spring be far behind? ---
--- If winter comes, can spring be far behind? ---
"Autumn is dying, and winter coming." The very moment she said to herself so, a line of some poem came into her mind. It was very familiar to her, though she could not exactly remember when, where and from whom she had learned it.
"If winter comes, can spring be far behind?"
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全体を通じて時間的推移感が乏しい。心理の動きと時間の関係は忽かにできないし、まとまったしまりのある一篇となる大切な要素の一つになることが多い。時間−それは季節とも無関係ではない。
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